Purple and Blue Faux Cut Crease Tutorial–Anxiety!

Hello, Lovelies!

What a fun tutorial this was! I think I am definitely getting better. What do you think?

I so badly want to send this tutorial to Cora (Vintageortacky on YouTube). Man, I love her–and it would be so amazing to be picked as one of her guest bloggers. The only problem is, I used a L’oreal product in this tutorial! Eek! They animal test, which she is rightly adamantly against. I don’t know whether to send this to her or not…

I am going to be totally honest with you. Sometimes I get so nervous thinking about entering contests and things. I did the leopard print tutorial specifically to send to Cora, the whole look came about because I was asking my friend/co-worker Lourdes for some ideas for unique eye makeup. When she presented the idea, I was like “oh man, there’s no WAY I can do that!”–so I had to do it. I started playing around with looks, learning how to draw leopard print from YouTube and such–and then came the look. It took me hours to film! The neighbor was sawing, the kids were running around like crazies, the dog was barking, and to top it all off Kristen (my wonderful stepdaughter who was sick at the time) coughed and sniffled through the entire thing. Not so professional, huh? I trudged on, though, and after editing and trying to come up with a blog post for the first time ever–off it went.

I spent the next 48 hours in a state of full-on panic. I checked Cora’s blog every five minutes…literally. I agonized over every little detail. I rarely watch my own finished tutorials, just once through to make sure its as good as I can possibly make it, but in this case I watched that video at least 20 times. I picked every little detail apart. What ended up happening, and what has been happening off and on ever since, is that I doubt my abilities and my talent a lot now. For a while, I stopped filming at all. I guess I just felt like I wasn’t good enough. I started on Beautylish, which I love–but it made it even worse. Everyone, it seemed, was better than me. I would watch their lovely videos and read their posts and blogs–and suddenly I just felt really ashamed of myself. What was I even doing, having a YouTube beauty channel?

I began on a quest to let people know about my channel by myself, which I know may be weird since I was doubting my abilities and all–but I think I was really on a quest for validation. I guess I figured if more people found me and subscribed, I would somehow feel better about the whole thing. I don’t know. I started posting in every topic in forums, started linking every post to my channel and blog–it was insane.

Somehwere along the way, I lost the whole reason I started. When I did my first video, my son watched it five times–saying how good I did and that he was proud of me. I felt proud of myself. Isn’t that what this is all about? I can look back over my videos, and in just a few short months I have really gotten better both at makeup and at the actual tutorials themselves. I am growing. That’s really what I want this to be about.

As of this moment, I have 68 subscribers on YouTube. Think about that–SIXTY EIGHT people actually want to see my videos as soon as they come out. That is amazing! What is there to ever be anxious or nervous about? If Cora ends up liking this video, maybe it will show up on her blog, who knows? If not, I grew in making it, and one day something else might catch her interest because I will get even better as I go. I just want everything RIGHT NOW. LOL

I am only kidding. It is a labor of love, doing makeup tutorials. It takes quite a while to film, edit, and upload–then all the accompanying work of making stills, blogging, descriptions, tags…but that’s not to say I am complaining. I actually like doing all of these parts, and the comments that I get that are so kind from my subscribers are all icing on the cake. When someone sees a tutorial and likes it enough to recreate it–well, that is the highest compliment you can ever get. Its funny, even though I can watch the final edit of a video and point out tons of things I think I did wrong, I can also tell that there’s a lot more I am doing right. There is still plenty I need to work on, first and most important being that I need to find a way to let more of my personality shine through in my tutorials! In this video (a tag from VividlyChaotic on YT, who is great), you can see how I am always laughing! That’s me. Why it is that I don’t *yet* come across this way in my makeup tutorials, I have no idea. Maybe I am still nervous? I just want it to be ‘right’ so badly! haha These tutorials and looks are like my little babies, I want them to be perfect and to encourage people. If I can do it, anyone can, believe me! Makeup was always so intimidating to me, and I think that’s why I have taken all of this on. I was always the girl that couldn’t draw in school, I have certainly never been confused with an artist. You should see how long it takes me, how long I have to practice, just to do a certain makeup look. I can see the shape I want in my head, it just isn’t easy for me to translate it onto my face! Its the challenge of it that drives me forward. I am about as far out of my comfort zone as one can go. I guess that’s the point, really.

So, I am off to edit another video. One part of me feels like it may be too similar to this tutorial to post, feels like its not “pefect enough”. But the other part of me, the one I know will win out eventually, knows that it might just help somebody. It might further clarify how to cut the crease when you have small eyes. That’s what I have been working on lately. I have never claimed to be a Guru, I am just interested in doing good makeup. Who knows what this weekend’s videos will bring…I have been wanting to work on doing more colors in one look, something with up to like five or six colors blended beautifully. I’ll start on that once I perfect the cut crease. 😉

 

–Cookie

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Vintage or Tacky

Fashion Makeup Plus Size Life + Style

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